Thursday, August 25, 2011

Memories I will never lose

mom and me in October 2010
Mom and dad with my youngest son

mom with both my boys
This morning my mom passed away... She was 59 years old,wife to my dad for 38 years, mom to me,two boys and grandma to four grand kids.
I feel numb right now. I know she is at peace and no more suffering. This still leaves a huge hole in my  heart. My mom and I may not of always seen eye to eye but she always pushed us to work hard and do better. She was always my biggest cheerleader,stood up for me,and told me how proud she was of me. She was a tough lady though you didn't mess around with her she would put you in your place! Yet she had a big heart and would do anything for you. Now I have to rely on these memories and cherish them. Her and I got really close these last five years. Had so many good and funny times together! We used to get giddy with each other and just laugh for no reason uncontrollably. We were known to talk on the phone 2 to 5 times a day. I will dearly miss that! It has been so hard these past three weeks to not pick up the phone. I found myself many times wanting to then  remembering she's not gonna answer. So like I said previously love the people in your life you just don't know how long you get them!
I love you mom!

Monday, August 22, 2011

My mom's battle

My mom last October at my wedding

My mom in May of this year
Well it has been awhile since I have posted. I have had a lot going on! My mom is not doing good we have had a hellish three weeks. She got an infection, had brain fluid leaking from her incision from her second surgery and was unconscious for almost 10 days. Dr's said she probably wouldn't wake up. I rushed down there to be by her side. On the tenth day they told my dad it was time to make a descision if she stayed on the ventilator and feeding tube she ran the risk of pneumonia, or infections. So he had them pull it all off. Well she did wake up after ten days the day after I left Texas.She was alert at first minimally then became more and more alert was trying to speak but it was hard for her. Last Friday they decided she needed to do plastic surgery to skin graft over the incision which was still leaking. She got through the surgery but for some reason they decided to pull the lumbar drain they had put in 2 weeks prior right after the surgery. This caused her to have fluid build up in her brain and she became unconscious again and another infection. My dad called me late Saturday night to tell me all this and Dr.s said she wouldn't make it through the night. Well it's now Monday and she is still struggling.She is unconscious and unresponsive,her heart rate is jumping to 140 and 150 breathing is very ragged,they think her kidneys might be shutting down, and she still has an infection. She is so tired and just wore down. Cancer is an awful disease that ravages the body and destroys it. We are all at the point we don't want to see her go through anymore pain and suffering. We have tried everything we just want her at peace. She will probably be moved to hospice tomorrow. I hate the fact I live so far away and had to come back to my life. I'm moving in a week we have bought an old house that needs lots of work, and moved my shop to an antique mall so I could have more free time to see mom thinking we had some more time then what we had. lIfe sure has a way of throwing everything at you at once! We will get through this I know it will take time but take my advice and never pass up a chance to tell someone you love what they mean to you cause you just never know! I can honestly say I feel at peace with the fact that while I was there I told her I loved her and if she needed to go I would miss her but I would be fine just want her to not suffer. I also promised her that I would do what she insisted in the last few months every time I talked to her and that was to be happy, love what I do and love the people in my life with all I have. Traci