Monday, January 3, 2011

Warning this is not a fluff piece

A new year always scares me and excites me at the same time. A chance to do all the things I always wanted but never did. Start fresh be the person I think I'm deep down. I must confess I have been on an emotional roller coaster the last 17 months. I ended a 21 year marriage,started a new life all alone for the first time ever on my own, met someone which I never expected to do so soon, got remarried and started a new life again! Oh the psychologists would have a field day with me!I guess I should cut myself some slack for feeling a little scared for what this year will bring. 
I'm being brutally honest here being remarried again is hard. There is so much baggage from previous lives,kids,and just the getting settled in thing. Everyone thought I was crazy for leaving my long term marriage. Sure from the outside everything looked good but there is more then meets the eye. I'm not writing this to bash anyone because I still talk to my ex he was their when we grew up together, knows a lot of my secrets,fears, and really does give great advice. Which Mr.SN and my ex's new love interest don't always understand.Which I must say I'm not sure I would be so understanding if this were reversed. 
I guess with the holidays gone now and a lot of the pressure off from that I'm just sitting back and taking it all in. I really do look forward to see what new things we will experience together,how we will grow, and I know there will be ups and downs.No life is perfect or no person for that matter.
So as I sit here writing this hoping I haven't scared anyone away it just feels good to put it all out there and realize I maybe struggling right now to get it all together but at least I have here to lay it all out and get feedback. I feel with all of you are a wealth of knowledge and support. I know we really don't know each other and only get a small glimpse into each others  lives but it feels great to have this outlet.  
So thank you for taking the time to read  my posts and leaving the thoughtful comments it truly makes my day!  Traci  

9 comments:

  1. I will be your outlet Traci and you can be mine :)! I gotta tell you...marriage is certainly something. It takes constant work, we have our ups and downs and we are definitely not perfect, I really think people need to understand "marriage" before getting into it and once your in, your in. I know I constantly thrive to show my children what a marriage is, yes it can be rough, but that's a relationship, you don't get up and leave just coz your mad, you work through it and of course there are wonderful times, that just reassure us, "this is right" Sorry, apparently I vented hahaha Xoxoxo

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  2. Having been married 38 years, I know it's not a picnic...with any one. We have lasted because both of us are too bull headed to leave. It would also take too long to become as comfortable with a stranger as we are with one another.

    In fact, if something were to happen, the thought of another is terrifying...no way, am I ever living with another man!!!

    The nice thing is, you made your own choice and we can not fight what our heart tells us...just make sure it's your heart talking.

    I wish you luck with your new marriage.

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  3. Thanks for sharing with us. My marriage has certainly been filled with good times and bad. Through it all, I can truly say that my husband is my best friend. Mr SN is a very lucky man! You sound like a very smart and sensitive person. :)

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  4. If you ever need someone exactly in the same boat (except my hubby doesn't have children) give me a shoutout - you can email me.

    I left my 23 year marriage in 2004 and remarried in 2009. It's crazy and good, but sometimes I wonder, "what the heck just happened"?

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  5. Marriage is a work in progress at best, take it from an old chick who's been married 38 years Thursday. Ya throw in each others kiddos and exes then all the baggage that goes with that the work just triples. I wish you and your Hubs a very blessed and happy marriage but I'm tellin' ya ... it don't come easy! Heeehehehe!

    God bless ya sweetie and have a wonderful day!!!

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  6. Well, you're welcome!

    And good luck with the new marriage! I'm my wife's second husband and we're doing fine after 14 years. Better than ever, in fact.

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  7. Wow, thanks for sharing. I've been married just over 29 years. There are always ups and downs, some really bad, some really good. I wish you all the best in your new marriage!

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  8. A psychologist may have a field day with you, I'd hate to even begin to think what they would do with me! I left my first marriage because he had an alcohol problem that couldn't be fixed. After I got remarried the ex husband lost everything he had from the drinking and we wanted him to get better for the two children we had together so we moved him in our guest room on the condition that there would be absolutely no drinking. He has a year and a half sober....and still lives in our guest room!!! (I should mention it is at least good for the children to have their father so near and healthy too!) It's never easy the second time around. But it does get better over time, I hear anyways, once everyone has the chance to settle into their new roles and lives.

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  9. I got a lil teary eyed reading this cause you let us peek in on your life from one blog to the next. I love it that you feel ok being so open with us.Kinda like have n a friend across the miles.I dont mind bein that bloggy ear(smile.)Who knows you may have to be mine one day.It all works out in the end.I mean just when you settled on being alone you got MRSN!(I will be prayin for you)

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